Crying. On the cold, dark floor.
Beaten down again by another memory, another moment in my past that snuck up and asked me to feel it all, again.
The truth is, I didn't really sneak up on me. I felt it popping up for weeks. Asking to be seen, to be felt.
I ignored it's knock, but the door always busts open eventually. I agreed to this. This is what I chose when I started this journey.
As I lay on the cold floor, I feel so lonely but also so surrounded by love.
"You're never alone" I hear. I know this, but I still feel alone, knowing there is no one to take my pain away. I must feel it all myself.
I let the tears flow, I let the screams and cries out. I don't even know why I'm sad or mad anymore, I just know that whatever triggered this onslaught of emotions doesn't really matter. All that matters is that I acknowledge it and feel it and then let it go.
These feelings are real and in this moment I feel like I can't go on. The fog feels too thick, the weight on my shoulders keeps me from getting up.
Then the quiet voice speaks again. "This is temporary. Feel it all, as you must, but this is not yours to keep any longer. Let it go. Give it to me. Look at what lies ahead for you. Follow the light. Your light. Your Love Will lead You out."
I agree and the fog lifts, I feel weightless. The voice is always there, reassuring me of my path, my purpose. The feelings are gone. I feel light and free once more. I know that I've shed another layer, reborn again into a better version of myself.
I celebrate. Knowing that what lies ahead of me is all of my desires. I am only asked to go deeper when I am about to reach higher.
I celebrate these moments, just as I do with my happiest moments. I am grateful for another opportunity to reach new levels of consciousness, of awareness. I am all I need. I have all my tools within me, ready to go for the next time I find myself crying on the cold, dark floor.